Why does life feel unreal

In its obscureness, the unconscious mind—our inner space—is analogous to outer space. Our resonance with negative emotions is a major component of the effort that humans have made throughout history to maintain good over evil, right over wrong, truth over falsehood, and pleasure over displeasure.

It is neurotic because it is based on a conflict in our unconscious mind or psyche. In my books and posts, I have provided hundreds of examples of how inner conflict produces a wide range of emotional disturbances and painful self-defeat. Depersonalization is simply another one of these symptoms.

We can, for instance, easily feel self-righteous in our misery, convinced that we are the innocent victims of the malice of others. We also have to contend with a contentious inner conscience—our inner critic or superego—that scorns us and mocks us for our entanglement in unresolved negative emotions.

The inner critic attacks and condemns for what it judges to be forbidden and irrational wishes, while our defensive side makes excuses for us and tries, through various psychological defenses, to deflect or disarm the accusations.

The inner conflict that produces depersonalization involves unconscious voyeurism. People with depersonalization are inclined, through imagination and memory, to have fantasies—or at least repressed emotional retentions—of being beaten, mistreated, or victimized. People frequently have powerful impulses to see or visualize forbidden, gruesome, or perverse content.

One of the great fears of childhood, still retained in the emotional memory of adults, concerns parental reproach or punishment for engaging in forbidden peeping, especially in sexual matters. This appetite for visual stimulation orality of the eyes is common in everyday people. Because even though these conditions can include derealization as a symptom, derealization neither causes nor indicates these conditions. Statistically speaking, a cough probably just means you have a cold, and derealization probably just means you have anxiety.

However, as is usually the case with anxiety disorders, the problem is not the anxiety itself, but the interpretation of the anxiety. If you experience derealization, you might start to think things like In my experience, none of those beliefs have ever been valid for any of my clients. However, they can become part of the Panic Cycle , and serve to further amplify anxiety and panic.

When this is the case, we address it in therapy like we would any other physiological experience that triggers a panic attack. A special helpline for young people under the age of Helpline Number Youth Line: Everyday - 10am - 10pm days of the year. Facebook-f Twitter Instagram Youtube Linkedin. Become a Member. Unreality and Anxiety. By Professor Kevin Gournay Feelings of unreality de-realisation are very common among anxiety sufferers. Where then do these feelings come from?

Share this post. Share on facebook. Share on twitter. Share on whatsapp. Share on linkedin. Prev Previous Omega 3 and Mental Health. Next Body Dysmorphic Disorder Next. Related Posts. Ten Tips To Reduce Stress We live in a very busy world sometimes with lots of problems to cope with that causes us to feel stress. November 5, 2 Comments. October 29, No Comments. October 14, No Comments. Donate to No Panic. The good news is that, in its transient form, depersonalisation is an odd, but only momentary sensation.

In its chronic form, depersonalisation is a profoundly bizarre and frightening experience. People diagnosed with the condition have described it as feeling as if:. Reality testing is a positive sign, but try to avoid constant checking. When a person experiences psychosis, they will usually lack insight into their symptoms — that is, they believe their hallucinations or paranoid delusions are literally real.

The problem becomes more serious if you find it difficult to stop reality checking. They will often report visual symptoms such as visual snow, floaters and tracers. The risk is that you end up feeling overwhelmed by the symptoms and unable to participate in or enjoy daily activities or socialising. Are these really my hands in front of me? And what often happens is that people get very self-conscious and they avoid social situations, which of course makes you feel even more isolated. As with all intrusive thoughts, you might experience a strong temptation to try to push away your feelings of unreality.

In trying to push the thoughts and feelings away, you are inadvertently acknowledging and empowering them. Instead, you should focus away from it altogether, the classic solution being to simply listen to other music. What you soon realise is that the only reason the song was stuck in your head in the first place was because you were worried about the song being stuck in your head. In that same sense, gently turning your attention away from the thoughts of depersonalisation can help you contextualise them as being innocuous, and allow them to fade away naturally.

Remember that, for the vast majority of people who experience depersonalisation, the feelings are brief and fade away naturally. This process of redirecting your attention to other activities is effective regardless of how long depersonalisation has been present.

Here are some grounding techniques that I found most effective for reducing my own depersonalisation:. Focus on engaging stimuli around you. Watch your favourite TV show. Do puzzles such as crosswords and sudoku. You might have specific images or videos that you find relaxing, diverting or inspirational. For me, I made sure I had a portable games device to hand and lots of podcasts and music loaded on my phone.

Simply being aware of your breathing can be a great tool in reducing levels of anxiety and its symptoms, including depersonalisation. There are various breathing techniques for grounding yourself during anxiety, but an easy-to-remember method is simply to inhale for a count of six seconds, then exhale for the same.

One technique I found to be very helpful was focusing on learning a new skill. This could be a new language, a song on the guitar, or anything that you find interesting and enjoyable. When actively learning, you are even more involved than if you were passively watching something. The focus and concentration involved in learning a new skill is an excellent way to stay grounded. For me, a good exercise routine was a vital part of recovery from depersonalisation.

Going to the gym felt stressful at first; in the midst of intense anxiety and feelings of unreality, going to a brightly lit, busy sports club was the last thing I wanted to do. But the routine and strength, both physical and mental, I gained from it were hugely beneficial.

Exercise releases endorphins and generates a strong sense of accomplishment. It also promotes socialising, and the change in environment alone can help to break negative thought patterns. If possible, start off by doing a minimum of minutes of exercise per day. Ideally, make some of this outdoor cardiovascular exercise, such as running or cycling. This will also help to tire you out and maintain healthy sleep patterns. Then, as best you can, start building up to a more intense exercise regime and sign up for a gym membership if possible.